The goal is wholeness, not perfection.

"Figuring myself out so I can be exactly who I was meant to be has been a lifelong goal of mine."

I used to say I wanted to be the perfect Charlynn. That’s a noble intention, but I eventually learned it wasn’t good for me in the long run. As I have grown, I’ve learned that the quest for perfection is one that leads me to thoughts and behaviors that are unkind and unloving. That kind of perfection is based on preset perfect ideals that you can attempt to achieve, but if and when you fail you miss out on a moment, an opportunity, or sometimes an entire experience that you didn’t think was ‘good enough.’  


Perfection, once attained, is very difficult to maintain and is something that often gets in the way of true, abiding, self-love. Nowadays, I no longer feel the need to perfect something (my life) that isn’t supposed to be perfect in the first place. Instead, I now seek wholeness and authenticity. These pursuits have brought me to places of greater happiness with a deeper understanding of myself.

…vs. wholeness and authenticity

What does wholeness mean to me? It means being fully present, finding the beauty and grace inside all things in my life – the good, bad and everything in between. It means being accountable to myself and to others and growing from mistakes. Being whole, to me, is being in a state of recognition that adult humanity is a complex. That humanity is a beautiful and flawed thing and deserves consideration on many levels.

All of this is wrapped up in authenticity.  When I am myself – unapologetically yet accountably me – I am down to the very core in a place of true balance in the world.  I am honoring my sense of individuality while acknowledging my role in the connection of all things.  This is not an easy balance to attain, but crucial to my life if I am to truly live in a way that continues to evolve me.

So, I consider the experience of living my life as the thing to perfect – and the only way I can make it perfect is by being truly myself.

Charlynn Avery
Contributor & Founding Member

An avid aroma enthusiast, I have devoted my career to understanding the connection between mind, body and spirit. I come from a diverse background in education, health and wellness and have practiced and taught in the arenas of bodywork, holistic therapies, yoga and plant medicine. I've been teaching about essential oil usage for 14 years with the last six years at Frontier Co-op educating about essential oils on behalf of the Aura Cacia brand. My passions are my family, reading, writing, gardening, natural healing, yoga, hiking, & travel. I believe the world is made a better place by small acts of kindness.

Share Your Thoughts

Hope Knosher

September 3, 2018 - 5:32pm

Well said Charlynn.  I call it being perfectly imperfect.  It took me most of my life to acknowledge that I was and would always be flawed, but that those flaws made me who I am and didn’t make me a “bad” person.  When that happened I was able to begin to love myself “flaws” and all and to acknowledge that I was doing the best I could and to forgive myself when I fall short.  Of course that doesn’t mean that I don’t strive to learn and grow.  It just means I am better able to enjoy the moments, the good, and the not so great and to keep my vision moving forward instead of backward. XOXO, Hope

Laura M 987874440

August 13, 2018 - 4:17am

Where do I buy your essential oils?

Freddie H

August 2, 2018 - 9:24am

I’ve joined Noteworthy this past week and it seems like it might be the place for me.  I’m 60 and my life never stops and I know it should.  Around the first of April I put myself on such a schedule that I get about 30 minutes a day for me.  That’s not working out so well, because when I fail, it hits hard.  Hopefully I will find my balance this last half of the year or at least receive some helpful tips that will guide me in the years ahead.  Being in the moment is so rare for me, I’m usually in the moment plus 8 moments in the future and 3 in the past.  Fingers crossed.

Candida C

July 2, 2018 - 6:26am

Thank You for writing this article…I am also working towards a more balanced lifestyle..and I can tell you,“That it is a working progress”...Perfection is not in my vocabulary these days…But living in the moment is…Thank You

margie r 79315474

June 14, 2018 - 6:38pm

Inner Peace!  Being in the moment and not thinking about the future and what it holds.  Learning to be my authentic self and find my happiness without having someone fill that void.

Diane C 1882555630

June 23, 2018 - 9:26am

I love that! I feel the same way, well said thank you for sharing.

Ginny Q

June 5, 2018 - 11:14am

I was so much into perfection. But I learned many years ago to live in the moment. Balance in my life of chronic pain is crucial to maintaining my pain.

Debbie B 845440639

July 3, 2018 - 5:49pm

Hi i also have chronic pain, glad to hear some inspiration here. I am just starting this journey and am very interesting in learning more.

Kathy C 274411133

July 10, 2018 - 7:09pm

Been living with physical pain and grief for the last ten years.  Looking for relief.

Barbara A 1555816268

July 4, 2018 - 1:45am

I so wish I would have learned to live in the moment so many years ago. I’m 66 now and what a difference it would have made for me.

Felicia F 351399118

June 3, 2018 - 7:03pm

I think PEACE is my word. To have peace and be humble is all I seek. I know GOD can handle the rest.

Brenda G 1584415375

June 23, 2018 - 6:02pm

Well said this how I feel thank you for the inspiration

Mary M 264207539

May 29, 2018 - 5:13am

Being present has been a goal for me. Being in the moment and trying to appreciate everything in that moment is a real eye-opener!  I am learning to, just let it be… Be me.

Cathy P 906629906

May 29, 2018 - 4:49am

My One Word for the year is Balance.  This piece helps to put that into perspective for one that strives to be perfect, then is unkind to myself once not reached.  Thank you

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